"I thought I would never ever fall inlove... until I saw that girl in the corner of my eyes."
Nakakainis ka. Ang gulo-gulo mo. Sabi mo sa akin never ka ng ma-iinlab kahit kaninong babae dahil mahal mo pa rin siya. Ngayon sasabihin mo sa akin na may mahal ka ng iba at limot mo na siya. Unfair yata yun, tsong. Sinikap kong huwag kang mahalin kahit na sa tuwing nandiyan ka para akong sinasakal ng bawat ngiti sa labi mo. Kulang na lang kapusin ako ng hininga at mamatay sa harap mo. Aba! Hindi mo naman yata alam kung gaano kahirap ang magpanggap na hindi ka nakikita at naririnig. Nakaka-aning! Mabuti nga at hindi pa ako dinadala sa mental hanggang ngayon, eh.
Akala mo ba...yun lang ang hirap at pasakit na dinanas ko...marami pa.
Walang gabing hindi ako umiiyak dahil sa katarantaduhan niyang bunganga mo. Biruin ba namang sa araw- araw na magka-usap tayo ay siya ang palaging bukang bibig mo. Ayos ka talaga! Daig mo pa si Kris Aquino sa kadaldalan mo kapag siya ang topic. Hay! Ako ang kasama mo pero siya ang laman ng isip mo.
Minsan, muntik na akong magpakamatay...paano ba naman!? kung di ka sang damakmak na loko-loko... I-post ba naman sa Facebook na in a relationship ka with her. Buti nalang nagamit na ni Mudra ina lahat ng klorox nung naglaba siya kaya hindi ko na-inum. Pasalamat ka hindi pa kita minimulto ngayon. Buti nalang din at char mo lang ang post na iyon.
Teka!
Hindi pa tapos. Alam mo bang nakagawa din ako ng kagagahan ng dahil sa iyo. Natatandaan mo si Anna Batungnakal? Yung classmate natin last semester na puro braces ang ngipin at maraming pimples ang noo at baba? 'Di ba crush ka noon? Muntik mo pa nga siya maging ka-date noong student's night. Buti nalang natakot ko yung tao. Sinabi kong kukulamin ko kapag hindi ka pa tinigilan...haha...naniwala ang loka.
Oha! Di ba? Sabihin mo ngayong hindi ka unfair. Nagtiis ako at kinimkim itong nararamdaman ko. Pinilit kong kalimutan kesa ipaalam ko sayo ang pag-ibig kong ito. Tapos ngayon...ngayon...Naku! Pasalamat ka pa rin sinabi mong ang taong bago mong minamahal ay walang iba kung hindi---- AKO... kung hindi ikaw mismo papainumin ko ng klorox.
HmpF... Sige hanggang dito nalang...
And I love you too, kupal.
---------------------------------
"Lahat ng bilihin nagmamahalan na...tayong dalawa nalang ang hindi..."
It could be a lie
It could be a joke,
But why am I believing it that so?
It could make me cry
Still it made me smile.
I tried to see it in your eyes
But you're hiding it inside.
Maybe it's not really true
But I shall not be blue
'Cause even you show no clue,
I can feel it...
You love me too!
"Lahat ng bilihin nagmahalan na...tayong dalawa nalang ang hindi..."
I sneak at the window pane
To gaze a beauty to behold
My heart race at a glance
My head shakes uncomfortably
My mind flash with gazillion thoughts;
Is this for real?
Are you for real?
Just then...
I woke up,
Panting.
Oh! It's just a dream.
"Lahat ng bilihin nagmahalan na...tayong dalawa nalang ang hindi..."
"I promise to be with you always, even God will forbid us to..."
I cursed under my breath. Damn. How long do you intend to keep me waiting? Minutes had passed till it became hours of waiting in this shed. I stand here alone looking like a fool. In my hand is a bag that contains few clothes and some personal things.
We made a promised right? That tonight we would escaped reality. But, where are you? I can't help it. I can't control the tears from falling down my fair cheeks. In my blurry vision, I looked at my wristwatch, it's almost 12 midnight. You're 2 hours late. I want to run and escape from this pain yet my feet doesn't want to move. My heart bleeds silently...praying that at last you would show your handsome face in the darkness of this night.
I peek at my phone, hoping for a text message from you. I can't even remember how many times I dialed your number to no avail.
I sob. Where are you now, my love?
Suddenly, the cold wind blew...the breeze seems to hug my skin. It seems to whisper words of love. And then---
I saw a person walking towards me. Oh! Finally you've come. But... As the lamp post shed light to the person's face, my hope vanished. It's not you.
"Are you Romie's girlfriend?" the stranger asked
"Yes, may I know who you are?" I nervously asked
"I'm sorry to say but he met an accident while on his way here." I dropped the bag I am holding. How could this happen?
"Where is he?"
"He's dead."
I dropped to my knees sobbing. How could he escaped without me?
I clutch the bag to my chest. Absently, I commanded the stranger to leave. "okey" he said shortly.
He doesn't even care, does he?
I hold on to the bag more tightly.
We promised to use this thing together. To escape from those furious eyes...from those who always keep us apart.
From the bag, I take the thing that would always keep us together. In just one click I could be with you. The wind blew once more...hugging my shivering body. Beckoning me to do the forbidden.
I pulled the trigger carelessly...I felt my body became numb until darkness blinded my eyes...
"Poison, I see, hath been his timeless end, O churl! drunk all, and left no friendly drop to help me after? I will kiss thy lips. Haply some poison yet doth hang on them to make me die with a restorative." -Juliet Capulet, Romeo and Juliet
I giggle when I saw his grubby face. There are bruises in his arms and along his jaw but it doesn’t change the fact that he is beautiful.
His eyebrow rise, “What’s so funny?”
“Nothing. You just look so cute.” I said laughing
“Hrmph! I shouldn’t have save you from those bully.” He said frowning
I stop laughing and seriously looked at him who’s standing in front of me.
“Why do you save me from them?” I stood more closely in front of him
He didn’t answer, instead looked away at me.
I edge more closely, studying his face.
But, I wasn’t able to know. He walked away after looking at me.
I was left dumbfounded.
I didn’t know why, but…
The next morning, I watched him from afar while he sat at the rock besides the river. I like how the wind blows his black shoulder length hair. The way his eyebrow goes up and how his lips twitched to a frown. It’s soothing me.
I gasp… “Come out there.”
I was caught peeking at him.
I came out from where I am hiding.
I looked pleadingly at him, “I’m sorry.”
“What’s that?” he asked, referring to what I am hiding in my back.
“Oh! It’s a roses made out of paper.” I can feel the heat surging to my cheeks, I am blushing.
“What’s that for?” he asked frowning
Argh…he’s frowning even more.
”I-it…it’s for you!”
“For me?” he isn’t even shock. He just sat there calmly with questions in his eyes.
“Yes”
“Why?”
“Thank you” I said…just that and I left the origami lying in his lap. Not knowing if he’ll even keep it.
A year had passed.
I stood in front of him again in the river.
I am holding a small box of shoe.
“Oppa, we will leave this afternoon. I won’t be seeing you again.”
I looked up. I studied his face. Ahh…so calm.
I pout. He doesn’t even care eh.
I hand the box to him. His expression changed.
He is frowning…again!
“What is this?”
“Open it when I’m gone, oppa. Then you’ll know.”
I turn to go, but…
“Hey, little girl…” my heart is thumping, “…come back. Oppa will be waiting for you.”
Hot tears started to well down my face.
Oppa…how could you make me cry?
I walked away without looking back at him.
If I have, I would have heard… I would have seen…
That little girl was just 12 then.
Nine years had passed but I can’t keep my hand from doing roses. It became a hobby.
“We will be landing, Miyu.”
I smiled to myself.
Oppa, I came back. Have you really waited for me?
“Hey, Miyu you’re making origami again. What’s that for?”
“It’s nothing. It’s just a hobby.”
It’s nothing to everyone, but for me… it can be compared to love.
“Oppa!”
As I expected I found him in his usual spot beside the river. He turned his gaze at me.
Ahh… I can see his frown again.
“I can see you’re holding a box again.” He said looking away.
“Ahh this… have you opened the box from before, oppa?”
“No. I throw it after you left.”
I pout.
Oppa… How could you? You’re making me cry again…
“In any case I’ll still give this to you.” I said smiling
…but, I can’t let you see me cry. Not in front of you, oppa.
I hand the box to him, “I’ll be going then.” I turned to leave
“Hey you! Little girl, why do you come back?”
“Because little girl promised oppa to come back.” Then, I run as fast as I could.
“Miyu, why are you crying?” the nurse I’m with asked me upon arriving at the hospital.
“Oppa…oppa isn’t happy to see me.”
She sadly looked at me.
“Stop crying. That’s bad for you. Please Miyu just rest.”
But…but why the tears can’t stop falling from my eyes?
“Cch. That little girl is still making paper roses.”
He started counting the origami inside the box.
“3,285 roses…and the roses she had given me before, 365 a total of 3,650. Why does she keep giving me this origami?”
He frowned
“argh…and why do I keep them all?”
…tok…tok…tok…
A knock in the door startled him.
“Who are you?” he doesn’t recognize the woman standing in front of him.
“I am Miyu’s nurse.”
“Little girl’s nurse? What do you want from me?”
She peered inside the house and saw the origami lying in the bed.
“I can see you have kept Miyu’s precious roses.”
“What do you want from me?” He asked again instead.
“Have you bothered asking why Miyu keep giving you those roses?”
He didn’t answer. He is getting pissed of this lady.
“I once asked her but she said it was just a hobby. Yet,I did not believe her. You know why? Because something that belongs to her is inside that origami, her heart.”
He frowned, “Cch. Really annoying. What are you?”
“See for yourself young man before Miyu leaves you for good.” Just that and she left.
He was left dumbfounded.
He ran to the bed and picked one of the roses.
He opened the paper...
Tears started to run down his cheeks…
“What is this little girl? You fool.”
“Little girl…wake up!” his voice is trembling
I opened my eyes. He is here.
“Oppa…Oppa came for me.”
“You--- you fool, why didn’t you tell me?”
“I don’t want oppa to worry.”
“But why? Why didn’t you tell me what those roses are for?”
Oppa… oppa is crying.
“Will you tell me now what those roses are for? I wanted to hear it from you.”
“I---“
I sniffed.
My vision is getting blurred. I can’t see oppa.
I can’t hear my heart beating. Oppa, have you finally taken it?
…
…
…
“Miyu…Miyu…my little girl!!”
Oppa… I can still hear him. He’s calling me.
“Tell me now, Miyu.”
“O---op---oppa… Sarang----“
Beep…beep…beep…
The little girls’ hand slipped out of his grasp. In just a snapped he was hurled out of her bed…
Fifteen minutes had passed.
Her nurse walked to me.
“Miyu left you…for good.”
Silence.
Before leaving she gave me the roses Miyu is holding in her hand against her heart.
I opened it and read the same words written in the 3,650 roses…
“Saranghe Oppa…even if you won’t say it back to me… even if I die,
My heart only belongs to you.”
Miyu…
If you only looked back at me then… You might have seen my tears… you would have heard the words I wanted to say before you leave…
I wonder how she does it? I wonder how he never noticed of that little girl's heart? He can hear her little voice. He can see through her. He can reach out his hands and touch her little fingers. Yet, why can't he see the love overflowing her heart? How come he can't hear the fireworks exploding in her heart when their lips touched?
Her angelic voice isn't enough to reach him. How long can that little girl pretend not to adore the guy?
Why?
I ask.
Why can't he see me? That little girl that's always beside him in the dark. I continue to watch that brightest star in the sky. The only star that twinkles in my eyes. But when would he see me standing beside him? When would he know he is my star?
Is it okey to just like that star even he can't see my tears in the dark? even I can't catch him in my heart?
