Sayonara, he-who-must-not-be-named!

"Goodbye," sabi ng utak ko...kung sumang-ayon ang puso ko, hindi ko alam.
Mahirap din pala magsalita ng tapos.

Paulit-ulit...paulit-ulit...paulit-ulit nalang itong sentimyento ko, wala namang nagbabago...nabawas o nadagdag man lang. Pwede na akong kumanta ng, "You're still the one I want---"

Naloka, hindi lang ako...pati sila!

They always asked, "Ano ba meron diyan sa panget na 'yan at 'di ka maka-move on?"

My answer, "I do not know either." na totoo naman. Wala akong mahanap na sagot sa kaisa-isang tanong na iyon. I just know you'll always be.

When will I forget you is still a hanging question...perhaps it would come to a point that even this blog would get tired of my unreasonable repetitive sentiments.

Goodluck naman! For now, goodbye muna sa "he-who-must-not-be-named" kong tawag sa kanya. Sa ngayon ay handa na akong tawagin siya sa buong pangalan niya without a winced...without holding back my tears.

"Lahat ng bilihin nagmamahalan na...tayong dalawa nalang ang hindi..."

Young Love

At a young age of 15 she fell in love.

At ako ay naiinis... naiinis talaga ako... hindi dahil sa naiingit ako, bakit ako maiingit ee bata pa rin naman ako, batang face hahaha.

Kupido

To: mrkupido@yahoo.com
cc: desperada@gmail.com
Subject: Love wishes

Dear Mr. Kupido,

Greetings to you!

          

Pasensya na po kung mangungulit na naman ako sa inyo. Hindi ko na mabilang kung ilang beses na akong sumulat sa'yo. But you know what, I still remember the very first time I've sent you a mail.

Humiling ako sa inyo noon na bigyan naman ako ng lovelife dahil masyado na akong napag-iiwanan ng mga dabarkads ko. I wished for you to give me a guy that is handsome and an equal gentleman that I can love and be with forever. Major major happiness ang naramdaman ko when 'J' suddenly came into my life matapos kong ipadala ang sulat ko. Fit na fit sa description na hinihiling ko sa inyo. I learned to love more than my pet dog chichie. Kaso dahil gwapo siya ay habulin siya ng mga chikababes. Hindi ko namalayang may ibang babae na siya minamahal. He just evaporated out of my life.

I grief my very first heartache. Sa pangalawang pagkakataon muli akong sumulat sa inyo and ask for another guy. Isang lalaking kahit hindi gwapo basta magiging tapat sa pag-iibigan naming dalawa. Then I met 'M', a handsome and gentleman guy just like 'J' but unlike him he never once glance at other girls. Ang masaklap, kaya naman pala ganun ay dahil parehas kami ng type---lalaki. He's a closet gay kaya naman pala he never attempted to kiss me even when were alone. Akala ko naman he respect me a lot kaya ganun.

For the 2nd time duguan na naman ang puso ko. I wrote to you once again. Hiniling kong muli mo akong bigyan ng guy na hindi ako ipagpapalit sa kahit sinong lalaki o sa ibang babae. Akala ko noon nagsawa ka na kakatupad ng love wishes ko kasi natagalan bago dumating sa buhay ko ang isang 'D'. Gwapo, matalino, masungit, at suplado but when it comes to me ay napakabait niya. Sa sobrang bait niya I always joke na pwede na siyang kunin ni Lord. I never knew that joke would once again bring emptiness to my heart. He died because of brain cancer. Ang hirap maghinanakit dahil that time ang kalaban ko ay si Lord at si Kamatayan. Kahit saang anggulo wala akong laban.

Walo akong ibang matatakbuhan kaya muli akong sumulat sayo. I didn't  ask for anyone this time. I just pour out all my heart's pain and sorrow. I never thought that you're too generous enough to send me a gift. Out of nowhere 'A' entered my life. He's like an Angel who'd erased all the pain, sorrows, and emptiness out of my heart. Nakaya kong muling mabuhay and I am grateful for you, Mr. Kupido. We got married two years ago, I wrote to you but I never got any reply. Sayang 'di mo nasaksihan ang wedding of the year. I sent you another letter nine months ago to share the good news with no response again from you. Today, I am writing to you to share the joy I am currently experiencing from being a new mom. I am so happy I could die. Lahat ng ito ay hindi mangyayari kung wala ka lalo na kung hindi ako naniwala sa sarili ko. I am very thankful to you.Naging parte ka ng kahibangan at mga pangarap ko. Thank you so much!

Yours beautiful,

Ms. Desperada

---------------------------

Note:

Madalas tayong humiling ng isang lalaking tutupad sa ating mga pangarap at kukumpleto sa ating buhay. Mas maganda kung ang taong mamahalin mo ay siyang dream guy mo, hindi ba? Pero ang pag-ibig ay hindi palaging nakakamit sa pamamagitan ng dasal o hiling. True love always waits for the right time and the right person. We need not to rush everything kahit pa sabihin ng ibang huli ka na sa biyahe at napag-iiwanan ng panahon. Si kupido, totoo man siya o hindi ay naging bahagi na ng ating kultura noon, ngayon, at marahil ay sa mga susunod pang henerasyon. Walang masamang maniwalang nag-eexist nga siya sa mundong ibabaw pero ang buhay natin ay hindi dapat palaging ipinauubaya sa ating mga paniniwala. Sometimes we choose where we would be happy and contented kahit hindi siya ang ideal guy/girl mo.

"Lahat ng bilihin nagmamahalan na...tayong dalawa nalang ang hindi..."

My Beloved Lola

Mahal kong Lola,

Matagal na rin po tayong hindi nagkikita. Ilang buwan na rin ang nagdaan. Miss na miss na kita. Hindi ko maiwasang isipin ang nakaraan. Noong tayo ay magkasama pa. Noong bata pa ako...ikaw ang naturo sa aking magsulat ng aking pangalan. Ikaw rin ang nagturo sa aking magbasa ng abakada. Hanggang sa pagtuturo sa aking magdasal bago at matapos kumain. Ikaw ang kasakasama kong magsimba tuwing Linggo na tinutulugan mo pa ang misa lalo na kapag nagsesermon na si Father John. Ikaw ang umaatend ng meeting sa eskwelahan kung kinakailangan. Lahat ng karanasan ko sa buhay ay ikaw ang aking kasakasama...sa lungkot, pighati, saya, at tagumpay. Ikaw ang naroon. Tanging ikaw. Kaya pasensya na kung medyo matagal akong hindi nagpakita medyo busy kasi ngayon sa trabaho. Ngayong kaarawan ko nais kong ikaw muli ang aking kasama. Mamaya, pagkagaling ko sa opisina dadalawin kita. Dadaan muna ako ng Flower Shop para naman may maialay ako sa puntod mo.

Miss na talaga kita, lola.

Lubos na nagmamahal,
Your beloved Lola's girl.

---------
Note: Ang lihim na ito ay likha lamang ng makulit kong kaisipan. Sa kasalukuyan, ang aking mahal na Lola ay nagpapagaling mula sa kanyang sakit sa pamamahay ng aking uncle. Toinks! *grins*

"Lahat ng bilihin nagmamahalan na...tayong dalawa nalang ang hindi..."

NCMH

Before being a nursing student, what I feel about people with mental illness was just plain sympathy. It's different from what i feel right now. What I have in heart is pure EMPATHY. Put yourself in what they are experiencing and you would surely understand them.

Part of our related learning experience is being exposed in different areas, one of which is in a mental hospital. The past two weeks, we've spent our duty hours giving care to patients with mental illness. Hearing the stories behind their present condition melt my heart. What we could only do is assist in their rehabilitation and hope that they would soon recover. Prayers, apart from nursing care is one of those thing that we could do.

 Julie, Me, Ate Eva, Chan, Khat, Ate Salve, Ma'am Pioquinto, Lhyne-tot, and Ate Cristy

After 6 days, our rotation in the National Center for Mental Health has come to an end. I am glad that we survived the tons of requirements needed and we don't have to wake up 3am in the morning just not to be late. But, part of me is sad because we'll be leaving behind people that had entered our heart even for a short period of time. They had been part of our lives and we will surely miss them. Our memories with them will continue to live in my heart.

Ate Salve, Julie, Ate Eva, Khat, C.I. from Global, Chan, Ma'am Pioquinto, Lhyne, Ate Cristy, and Me

The only guy in our group: Kuya Peter

At the entrance of NCMH

With Sisa, Crispin, and Basilio

More...and more pictures...

I don't want to model...Promise! :)

Hooray, group 19!
Goodbye NCMH... 'till next time...


"Lahat ng bilihin nagmamahalan na...tayong dalawa nalang ang hindi..."

Forbid me

I couldn't be where I want to be.
I couldn't be with who I want to be.
I couldn't fathom this unwanted feeling.
I still couldn't believe I fell in Love with you.

You, whom I care the most.
You, whom I treasure like a priceless diamond.
You, who has the same dazzling beauty as me.
You, who has the same blood as me.
You! Yes, you my dear brother.
I wanna say, I Love You.

"Lahat ng bilihin nagmamahalan na...tayong dalawa nalang ang hindi..."

Sa aking KASAL

May napanuod akong wedding...the ambiance is so romantic and their exchange of vows were just utterly full of love.



It's a beach wedding. Well, kung ako ang tatanungin mas maganda pa ring ikasal sa tahanan ni God. Pero hindi naman sa kung saang lugar ka ikinasal nasusukat ang halaga ng isang kasal. Masa maganda pa ring nagmamahalan ang bride and groom and they are willing to face the life they're going to enter.'Ika nga ng mga matatanda, "Ang kasal ay hindi parang kanin na isusubo at kapag napaso ay iluluwa." Tama? Tama!

Anyway tutal usapang kasal na rin 'tong topic e sasagutin ko na yung matagal ng question sakin ng isa kong friend, "Anong dream wedding mo?"

Ano nga ba? Well, ang gusto kong wedding ay masyadong grandiose and expensive. Hindi naman sa ambisyosa ako masyado noh it's just that for me once in a lifetime lang akong ikakasal and i want it to be memorable. Ang gusto ko kasi mala fairytale with the touch of medieval period. The colors are royal gold, royal blue, and silver. The bridal bouquet must be composed of three color of roses...red, pink, and white. Bongga din dapat ang singers... hehehe... The bridal gown's color must be pale white with a touch of dark pink. Kabligtaran naman nito ang reception, gusto ko simple lang.

Ikaw? Anong dream wedding mo??

 "Lahat ng bilihin nagmamahalan na...tayong dalawa nalang ang hindi..."

This week

Dami nagyari sakin nitong week na ito. Bonggang bonggang recitation. I tried hard kaya not to be visible to my prof's eyes, pero kakaiwas kaw pa rin papansinin nila.

Hindi ko alam kung matutuwa o maiinis ako sa prof ko nung Thursday. Biruin mong patayuin ang beauty ko, buti nalang hindi lang ako mag-isa...marami kami.. BOOM! Bakit ba kasi sa lahat ng kakalimutan reproductive system pa ng female... e meron naman ako nun. Haha :)) Good thing nakasagot ako sa next question niya. Pero idol ko yung prof na yun, ang galing magturo e. Parang walking book lang. Saan kaya naka-store lahat ng alam nun? Hindi kaya sumabog utak niya sa sobrang dami niyang alam?

Nung Friday, nagulantang din ang beauty ko. May subject kasi akong speech isa pa sa mga minor subject ko. Bakit ako nagulantang? Bigla akong tinawag ni Mr. Speech, "Ms. Bajado, give a recap of what we had discussed last meeting." Palpitation... nag-ta-tachycardia na ko. Hello? Nung mga panahon yatang yun e busy ako sa kakatext. haha ..isang mabuting estudyante. "Sir anong ire-recap ko?" tapos bigla kong naalala, report ko pala yun... nyahaha shunga. Buti nalang alam ko, pero teka di pa pala ako safe nun kasi bigla nalang bumanat ng question si sir. Uber! kahit aircon yung room, diaphoretic na ako. Siya rin naman sumagot ng tanong niya haha.. loko. Nung sinabi niyang, "you may sit down." napa- OH MY GOTH talaga ako. Wew!

Nung isang araw nakita nanaman ako nung clinical coordinator namin. Ewan ko ba kung anong nakain nun at favorite akong asarin. Favorite niya akong tawaging OR nurse. Ini-endorse pa ako sa ibang C.I. kaya kahit ano talagang tago ko napapansin nila ako. Pumunta kasi ako sa office niya nun para tignan ang grade ko. Tatlo kami nun, ako unang nagtanong pero hinuli talaga niya ako. "Wow, OR nurse talaga," sabi niya nung nakita niya grade ko sa rotation namin sa OR. Pasaway. No comment nalang ako.

Yay, right now tinatamad na naman akong mag-aral. haha pasawy na bata talaga. Pero kelangan kong pilitin ang sarili ko kaya 'till here nalang muna mga dudes.

Toodles!


"Lahat ng bilihin nagmamahalan na...tayong dalawa nalang ang hindi..."

Reminiscing

Goodbye Lullabies,
Goodbye lollipops,
Goodbye tantrums,
Goodbye sweet innocent little nudges,
Goodbye my cute whining…

As I enter another chapter of my life.

In this another humble beginning, I learned to make funny infamous jokes and laugh amongst those familiar faces. I learned to mingle and have bunch of friends as many as I can. I learned to stumble and cry over a guy with a cute boyish grin. I had been once obsessed with a simply irresistible man. During those times, academic books and novels file up in my desk.

Responsibilities comes with these changes. With lil’ mistakes, I continually grow. With the guidance from the oldies, life wouldn’t be that hard, not that bad at all.

I looked over my bunch of baby things, though time pass by easily the memories I once have would never fade.

"Lahat ng bilihin nagmamahalan na...tayong dalawa nalang ang hindi..."

Psychotic drugs

Next week will be hell week for me with the case presentation and five I.C.U articles to be passed plus the prelims scheduled on Thursday and Friday and two comprehensive exams on Wednesday. This made me remember I haven't paid my tuition fee yet...hala lagot!! Well, never mind that would be easy to deal with. What's bothering me is how will I be able to memorize bunch of psychotic drugs. Thankfully, our Psych instructor came up with a plan... Just like mnemonics, it will be helpful for us to incorporate the drugs in a song.

ANTI-MANIC DRUGS
(Tune: Mad by Ne-yo)

I.
Lithium Carbonate also known as antimanic...hmm
It's use for prophylactic treatment of bipolar... ohh
Interfere with serotonin metabolism
Alter sodium transport in nerve and muscle cells
Epilepsy, brain damage, thyroid is contraindication
Renal disease..

Refrain
Dehy--dration cardio...vascular disease
Dehy--dration cardio...vascular disease

chorus:
Reduce protein sodium intake
Administer meals.. snacks or meals
Advice moderate--- restrict calories combined
exercise... monitor intake and output
restricted products of-- caffaine
Check thyroid function profile.. oh no ohh

Adverse side effect,
hair loss, tremors and nausea
muscle weakness, fatigue and weightgain...

Refrain:
Do--sage per orem 300 mg TID
Do--sage per orem 300 mg TID...

(repeat chorus)

ANTI-DEPRESSANT DRUGS
(Tune: Tick Tock by Kesha)

Wake up in the morning / feeling like Suicidal

Pag di nakainom ng meds / I’m gonna hit this city
Fluo-xe-tine // Fluvo-xa-mine // Pa-rox-xe-tine
Ser-tra-line // Cita-lo-pram // Es-ci-tal-lo-pram

I’m taking antidepressant drugs, drugs
SideEffects / Anxiety / Insomia
Sama pa Sexual Dys-func-tion
Head-aches and A-ka-thi-sia
Agitation and nau-sea
I’m getting really, really tipsy

Don’t stop, Phe-nel-zine
Dj, Tra-nyl-cy-pro-mine
Isocar-boxa-zid
Now you know the MAOIs
Tick tock / time for meds
But the party don't stop, no

Don’t mix / or you’ll Pop!
Don’t take foods with ty-ra-mine
MA-OIs / can’t combine
There’ll be / hyper-ten-sion
Tick tock / time for meds
But the party don't stop, no

Ain't got a care in world / but got i-mi-pra-mine
Ain't got no money in my pocket, but have De-si-pra-mine
And now, the dudes are lining up cause of Tri-mi-pra-mine
But we kick em to the curb unless they have amox-xa-pine

I'm talking about Dox-xe-pin ‘n Pro-trip-ty-line
Nurse trying to give me drugs, drugs
Gonna smack him / coz im getting too mad, mad
Now, now, suicidal till I Calm, calm
Or the Nur-ses shut us down, down
Nur-ses shut us down, dow..


ANTI PSYCHOTIC DRUGS
Conventional antipsychotic
(Tune of Paparazzi)

Conventional antipsychotic
Chlorpromazine
Perphenazine
Flupenazine
Thioridazine
Mesoridazine
Thiotixene
Haloperidol
Loxapine
Molindone
Perphenazine
Trifluopherazine
Chorus:
Wer the grup 13 will follow you until you love us anti anti psychotic..

Atypical antipsycotic
(Tune of Shots)
Atypical
Clozapine
Risperidone
Olanzapine
Quetiapine
Ziprasidone
Paliperidone
Aripiprazole
Druds, drugs. . . . .
Antipsychotic


Side effect and Nsg. Intervention of the drugs
(Tune of Way Back into love)

I've been living with a shadow overhead
I've been sleeping with a cloud above my bed
I've been lonely for so long
side effect of
antipsychotic drugs

akathisia, sedation and dreams away
Anticholinergic signs dry mouth, blurred vision
constipation sometimes
and orthostatic… hypotension

All we want to do is find a way to normal
we can't make it through without these antipsychotic
(oh oh oh)
drugs….

Dystonic reaction, Tardive dyskinesia
neuroleptic induced parkinsonism
I know that it's out there
photosensitivity, wt. gain, seizure

I've been looking for nursing intervention
administer medication as ordered
assess for effectiveness
reassure client if frightened

All we want to do is find a way to normal
we can't make it through without these antipsychotic
And use hard candy for relief
increase fluid and dietary fiber intake

Oh oh oh

encourage balance diet and exercise
stop all antipsychotic medication
notify physician
Not just another negotiation...

..Talking about Nursing is an ART.. smile smile!!
 ..Good Luck sa akin.. sa amin.!

XOXO .. papasa kaya ako??

"Lahat ng bilihin nagmamahalan na...tayong dalawa nalang ang hindi..."

A voice

  

I heard a distant sound.. A faint voice uttering your name. I thought I am hallucinating---- but--- then pain began to flood my memories like a plague, infecting my heart sending shivers of sorrows to my unhealed soul... I still miss you eh. Your name which is so hard to forget.. your name that hid in the deepest corner ...of me.. Your name that starts with "C"! 

I Bleed... T.T

"Lahat ng bilihin nagmamahalan na...tayong dalawa nalang ang hindi..."

Coffee Me

A not worthy letter [from the heart] to someone whom I care about while having my coffee addiction last cold rainy night.

Dear you,

First cup of coffee. I remember the first time you talk with me. You seem so awkward, you hardly uttered the word you wanted to say. Bemused, I silently smiled. With those awkward gestures I got intrigue. Later on, I realized, CURIOSITY really do kills a cat [laughs].

Second cup of coffee. Those intrigues leads you to my heart. Knowing your the type not to easily smile, I hardly notice my own happiness whenever I managed to make you laugh. I learned from someone that your hesitant at first to even approached me. Yet, you found yourself laughing at my unnoticeable humor and infamous jokes. [winks]

Third cup of coffee. As our friendship lengthens, I learned to adore your quiet yet boyish nature. I found myself sharing you my inner thoughts, my insane mind. I am glad you didn't judge me or anything, but just accept who I am. I found a true boy bud in you.

Fourth cup of coffee [final round]. I don't know what would happen next though. I just hope that whatever God has in store for me , You'll always be a part. SMILE...SMILE!

Love,
Me

``P.s. Oh! I hope it doesn't sound too emotional again.. haha..
~~Love-Love-Love~~


"Lahat ng bilihin nagmamahalan na...tayong dalawa nalang ang hindi..."

Love

Love is like a clock that tic so fast.
It's a bell that rings in everyone's Heart.
Endure hindrance and pain up to the last,
Love is in the heart in which we will start.
It subtracts sadness and divides sorrow.
The rays of sun that lights up insane mind,
when it seems like paths were being narrow
That's when it's really love that you have find.
It's not just for the sake of appearance,
But it's love that you bear in your mirror.
why don't bare it out and give it a chance?
For it's inspiration not an error,
Gives us reason to be happy and gay
and the thing we live all through, come what may. 

"Lahat ng bilihin nagmamahalan na...tayong dalawa nalang ang hindi..."

Si Jhiegzh

~~Para po ito kay kaibigang Jhiegzh-tot~~

Once upon a time, ako'y napadpad sa mundo ng isang blogista. He became part of my life and I am thankful for that. Thank you for being part of my insane life and for touching this crazy soul of mine.

Coffee-cheers``

xoxo,
uknowulovemeh ..!! :))


"Lahat ng bilihin nagmamahalan na...tayong dalawa nalang ang hindi..."

Test

" You will find as you look back upon your life that the moments when you have truly lived are the moments when you have done things in the spirit of love. "
Henry Drummond

" Romance is about the little things. "
Gregory J. Godeck

" Romance, like the rabbit at the dog track, is the elusive, fake, and never attained reward which, for the benefit and amusement of our masters, keeps us running and thinking in safe circles. "
Beverly Jones

" When one is in love, one always begins by deceiving oneself, and one always ends by deceiving others. That is what the world calls a romance. "
Oscar Wilde 

Natuwa akong maghanap ng mga personality type tests 'cause of my major subject, Psychiatric Nursing. I am having so much fun. Here's one of the test I have found. Sorry Jhiegzh [special mention ..hehe] for it's all about the pathetic thing called 'LOVE' again.

Are you the romantic type?

To bask in the delights of idealized love is, in essence, to be a romantic. Hollywood, it seems, has personified romance as candlelit dinners in fancy French restaurants or giggly chases in slow-motion through daisy-filled meadows. The truth is that expressions of love and affection don't have to be expensive or overwhelming. Holding hands, casual walks, or a simple "I love you" are those little things which can really go a long way. If you aren't comfortable with the traditional romantic protocol, you can come up with your own ways of letting someone know how much you care. The truth is that there are no rules.

It is important to note that romance is not a component of love that appeals to everyone; nor is it necessary to keep passion alive. Passion can be stirred by simply being respectful and honest with the one you love. Whether you're a romantic at heart or a more pragmatic lover, as long as you're willing to put your heart and soul into a relationship there is no amount of roses, candlelit dinners or four-string quartets than can measure up or compare to that. 

Result: According to your score, you are romance typified! Rose petals, poignant poetry, tall glasses of wine, touching moments, and sweet words are all loving gestures that you love to receive as well as offer. Romance is very important to you, and quite likely an aspect that you consider fundamental in relationships. Keep in mind however, that problems may arise if you are with someone who really isn't the romantic type. If you look forward to Valentine's Day to express your love and your partner doesn't even acknowledge it as a special day, you might end up feeling neglected or your efforts unappreciated. Nevertheless, even if your partner isn't as romantically inclined as you are, try to be appreciative of his/her efforts when she/he does try to woo you. Some people aren't comfortable displaying their affection in screamingly obvious ways, but this doesn't mean that they don't care ? they simply prefer to be more subtle. Whether it's you or your partner who is doing the romancing.

Advice:Romance doesn't have to be complicated or expensive ? just from the heart. Remember ? it's the little things that matter the most. Whether it's you or your partner who is more of the romancer, check out the ideas below for some simple and sweet romantic gestures.

• Show up at your lover's workplace and whisk her/him away for lunch or a walk.
• Put a note on the bathroom mirror promising to share an afternoon delight.
• When you are not together, call or send a message just to let your partner know that you miss him/her.
• Ride your bike or walk the distance to your significant other's house just to see him/her for a few hours.
• Dress and/or undress each other.
• Kiss every part of your partner's body.
• Hold hands.
• Surprise your partner with plans for a fun day-trip together.
• Go to a toy store and play like children.
• Bring your partner a treat when you pay him/her a visit.
• Get up early and make him/her breakfast in bed.
• Compliment him/her. A simple "You're adorable" or "You're so much fun to be with" is perfect ? just make sure you mean it of course!
• Find out what your partner's favorite dish is and surprise him/her with a home cooked meal one night.
• Find out what his/her favorite song is and request it on the radio as a dedication to him/her.
• Put together a journal of romantic quotes, poems and songs. 
--->> yay.. magagawa ko ba lahat yan?? :)) 

Credits to: @ARCHprofile

"Lahat ng bilihin nagmamahalan na...tayong dalawa nalang ang hindi..."

His work...

I am an emotional person. I am moody and have tantrums like a child. Kapag nakita na ng mom ko that I am frowning alam na niyang may topak ako, it's either galit ako or ewan lang. At times when I can't release my feelings and tension I write the words that expresses what I feel. They are my darlings--- my poems and short stories.

Yesterday I chatted with an acquittance and have an interesting talk to as how he got interested in writing. He got indulged in reading literary pieces when he is feeling emotional--- just like me the only difference is that he read while I write. He had written his first work, a poem when he was in 3rd year Highschool. Since I am a person who admire work of others specially if with quality and equal emotions, I have asked for his permission to post his first ever poem here in my page. I felt honored of course when he agreed.

MY LOVING PEN

I’m so confused of what I feel
I don’t know what this feeling is
It’s something my heart can’t reveal
But this to you I should promise

I don’t know what you have possess
I can’t tell this is how I feel
You’re someone my heart can’t resist
Rejection by you I couldn’t deal

How will I explain to make you believe
Wandering what are the right words to say
When you’re beside me, I remain passive
‘Coz my fear keeps the melody away

To have you as my friend is a treasure
But my heart beats beyond the word “friend”
I’m just telling how I feel that’s for sure!
To lie is something I haven’t intend

Why does the sound of your voice give me butterflies?
You have captivated me for all the things you do
Why can’t I explain when I look in your eyes?
And why can I so impossibly be in love with you?

Maybe it’s the way you talk to me
For the first time, that special day
Maybe it was your soothing voice
That calms my heart in every way

Maybe it was your gentle smile,
Your simple and angelic face
Maybe it was your cute eyes
That lit up the darkest place

Now you know what I really mean
The engulfed thoughts are so hard to conceal
I may sound absurd, but I’m certain
That all the words I wrote is for real

Now there’s something bothering me
Will our friendship stays the same?
I know I can’t hide this feeling
But what If you don’t feel the same?

I will never ever leave you
When the rest of the world is gone
I will always be here for you
When you find your problems undone

You really mean a lot to me
Yet, Im not hoping to be your special someone
Maybe you used to call me crazy…
But inspiring me makes my poem a special one

My heart, the witness of my secrecy
But my mouth could not testify
Until I realize pretending is not so easy
That I can’t control my pen to deny!

by Edward Newgate
----->> i dunno if I am allowed to published his real name so i just wrote his [i think] alias. :))

Note: if you are going to read this post [i know you would] thank you for allowing me. It's a pleasure in my part.
"Lahat ng bilihin nagmamahalan na...tayong dalawa nalang ang hindi..."

INSOMNIA

I asked, "Bakit walang 'in-despair' na relationship STATUS?" sa FB...


Once again, I am full of Anguish. I am not my NATURAL self today. My mind is full of thoughts like a suite case full of clothes, BULGING... ready to burst AT ANY MOMENT. My bloody red eyes just wanted to close tight, HUG my pillow and drift to the realm of dreamland. It's almost 2 o'clock in the morning. Despite the cold weather due the rain I still can't find myself SLEEPY. My mind and body stays in full alert. I know this is isn't my excessive consumption of coffee but because of your IN-CONSISTENCE. You...you always made me wonder what I am to you. Since the day I met you I have learned to FORGET about him and started to continuously LOVE YOU. Day after day that you talked with me, text me, call me, and chat with me you always made me feel SPECIAL. In the middle of every sadness that fills my heart your the only one that can once again put up a smile in my face. For that you have unconsciously snatch his thrown in my HEART. Yes, you now occupy it.

I've been fooling myself, that's what I reckon. Still, I want to keep on Loving you---SECRETLY!

I don't know where I really stand in your life. It made my heart ache. I felt the emotional tears well down my cheeks. I can't ask you---I wont withstand the answer you might uttered. I guess till I have the courage I would always be on the edge. 'Till I have the answer I would always stay up late...wondering.

2:15 am. It's still raining, what a coincidence. I think I need to let my mind be at peace...have some decent sleep and maybe tomorrow I won't be thinking about this stupid LOVE. Now, where did I put those sleeping pills? Oppss...I don't have any suicide intention, just one to make me---my heart rested.

A deep sigh...and GOOD NIGHT or should I say good MORNING. AIGOO!

"Lahat ng bilihin nagmamahalan na...tayong dalawa nalang ang hindi..."

I love RAIN

After 48 years na mainit ang panahon... UMUULAN na--- Layas EL niNYo LOLz.. Maraming tao ang ayaw sa ulan sapagkat dahil sa kadahilanang ayaw nilang mabasa.. maputik pa ---- PUTEEK yan!! Pero AKO like na like ko ang ulan. BAKIT 'ika mo??

1. Masarap maligo sa ulan ...libre tubig! Basta ba kapag naligo ka e wag yung see-through ang suot mo [mahiya ka uy!! :))]

2. Nostalgic! Lagi kong naalala yung kabataan ko... yung mga times na wala pa ako kamuwang-muwang sa mundo--- lalo na kay PAG-IBIG??

3. Kapag gusto kong MAG-KA-SAKIT dahil ayaw ko pumasok sa school.. nagbababad lang ako sa ulan and VIOLA... may LAGNAT na ako kinabukasan.. [PAALALA: wag gayahin.. :)))]

4. Kapag feel kong mag-echoserang baliw-baliwan emo-frog... Tapat lang sa ulan at WALANG MAKAKAHALATA ng IYONG TEARS..

5. Pero mas masarap MALIGO SA ULAN WITH YOUR SPECIAL SOMEONE.. dahil sapagkat kapag nanginginig ka na sa ginaw.. LIBRE YAKAP.. uber!!

Iyon ay ilan lamang sa mga magagandang dulot ng ULAN sa aking buhay.. BOW.. toinks!

"Lahat ng bilihin nagmamahalan na...tayong dalawa nalang ang hindi..."

An Angel

 

Twilight approached and I silently weep, lamenting for my loss. Through the slumber of this quiet Fortress his demonic presence still lingers. His very thought torments me.

I can’t do anything but let these shitty bloody tears of mine fell down my fair cheeks. My soul is dire with hatred for myself while my heart only knows loneliness.

I am trap in the illusion of his love away from my sanctuary. Insanity slowly feasts on my mind, drowning me. I let solemnity abandoned me.

In my deepest sleep a light wakes me, invading my solitude. I opened my sleepy ruby eyes. An Angel utterly elegant and radiant penetrated my lair. He’s more beautiful than what stainless glass describes. I closed my eyes again as I felt his warm hands touch my cheeks.

“Thou shall not weep. Hate thy self not. Let sanity leave thee not.” I heard him say. Slowly he traced every lines of my face “I shall help thee forget thy damn love.” His golden voice softly uttered.

“How?” I asked.

“It’ll be wise enough to leave this damnation of thee.” I eyed him intensely, wondering how soon it’ll be ‘till I wake up from this sweet dream. “Now, sleep again and rest in my arms. I shall not let thee be alone. Tomorrow we shall depart thy citadel,” he said once again. Still with doubt I obey his commando.

Morn came and I wake up in the Angel’s arms. He smiled his sweet smile almost melting my temperance. He didn’t let go till were out of the fortress. Outside the citadel, my fate awaits.

Day by day we travelled. Land by land we soar. Gradually, I learned to forget my love for that Demon.

This Angel of mine brings back my sanity. He vanquish hatred away from myself. He put happiness in my once lonely heart.

As noon of our fifth month together crept and sunset slowly fades, we stood close together in front the heavy steel gate of his citadel.

With a loving look in his eyes he took my hand and murmured, “This is my castle, my kingdom where thee shall be the new queen.”

Twilight approached and I silently weep not for my loss but for a new love. “Together Forever” I whispered.

This Angel, my Angel taught me how to love again.

"Lahat ng bilihin nagmamahalan na...tayong dalawa nalang ang hindi..."

Sandaling pananahimik

 Sa Kinauukulan,

      Ako'y pasumandaling mawawala sa mundo ng computer at internet. Mananahimik muna ang beauty ko [beauty daw oh...haha]. Ipapahinga ko muna ang emotera kong puso---maghahanap ng ANGHEL na magdadala ulit sa akin ng heavenly feeling at mala-rosas na kapaligiran. Ako'y magmumuni-muni muna ukol sa mga bagay-bagay na may kinalaman sa aking ka-emohan. Whooo...tatapusin ko na ang paghihirap ko, once and for all magtutuos tayo ex. Sa ayaw at sa gusto niya makikipag-usap siya sa akin---patayan na...haha charr! Gusto ko lang naman ng closure noh.

      Anyway, hindi naman siguro masamang mag-unwind paminsan-minsan lalo na't ngayon pa lang magsisimula ang oh-so-late-vacation ng lola niyo. Bonggang summer duty eklabo yan'. So, see yah all later blogsphere buddies!

     Lots of Love,
     From the innocent gossip-girl,
     ME [xoxo]


"Lahat ng bilihin nagmamahalan na...tayong dalawa nalang ang hindi..."

Emo-tera Mode part two

 Bakit ba ako nag-eemote kagabi??

May 26, 2010

I knew it. When I woke up this morning memories of you still lingers. Muntik pa akong malaglag sa kama the moment I checked my Inbox and there’s a message from YOU. I sighed…looked at the ceiling and uttered a silent prayer————

It take a little longer…a lot of courage before I had the strength to read your message. To my dismay it turned out to be group message saying thank yous’ to those who greeted you a ‘Happy Birthday’.

I felt my heart gone numb. It’s beating fluctuated. I sob—— I thought finally you remembered me and wish for us to get back together. I silently prayed that your text message contains months of longing and a passionate sorry, but it was not.

It had slipped my mind. It is your special day today. We used to celebrate Together, but now—

I managed to type a simple greeting message. Just like months ago you didn’t respond. Just a group message and BOOM you’re gone again…

I crawl out of bed and face the bitterness of the day ahead.
Darn that message of yours. I miss you again.

:cry: ~~Vodka for me!! T.T
 [Story of my Life]

"Lahat ng bilihin nagmamahalan na...tayong dalawa nalang ang hindi..."

Emo-tera Mode

Big Sigh. I told them I'm gonna be okay yet I am not. I still keep on thinking about you. Every now and then a picture of us together, walking hand in hand keep on reappearing on my oh-so-dumb-mind.

Idiot me. Baka!

Why? Why is it that despite all of those pain you still have a place here in my heart---tsk, yung center pa ang ini-occupy mo. Darn it!

I wouldn't be like this if I haven't love you that much---imagine, for almost five years I have cherished that feeling and what did you do? You only ruined it.

I wouldn't hate you this much [as much as I love you :( ] if you only had done me a favor---letting me love you even you wouldn't love me back. But nah-ah... you're a selfish brute that you didn't allow that simple wish of mine. Loving you from afar would be enough, yet you forbid to.

Stupid Heart---it only beats for you.
Stupid Eyes---it only sees you.
Stupid Hands---it only wants to hold you.
Stupid Arms---it only wants to hug you.
Stupid Lungs---it only wants to breath you.
Stupid Life---it only wants to live for you.
Stupid ME---i can't get over you!
What a dummy! Sigh!
I wish...I wish tomorrow when I wake up, I wouldn't have a single memory of you. Like you haven't been part of my heart even it means forgetting five years of my life.

For tonight, I only want to say Goodbye, my Love.
When morning comes, I know I would still say hello even though I wish to forget about you.

"Lahat ng bilihin nagmamahalan na...tayong dalawa nalang ang hindi..."

Temptation

 I need to let myself go,

set myself free.

You're so tempting.

Desire is killing me.

 "Lahat ng bilihin nagmamahalan na...tayong dalawa nalang ang hindi..."

My Immortal: Thirst

SOMEONE slowly crept through the shadows of the wall under the darkness of the night, following every deafening footstep across the other side of the street.

Those footsteps were owned by a merchant. He had been traveling for days; unfortunately he arrived at the city too late that night. He’d been walking for almost half an hour, looking for an Inn to stay and rest for the night. When morning comes, he would get down to business which is looking for his missing daughter. Caught in his deep thoughts, he didn’t notice a girl emerging from the shadows of the wall. Now, she is closely following him.

She sniffed. A huge grin broke on her face as she teasingly licked her red swollen lips. “Ahh…What a luscious smell!” she uttered to herself silently. Her throat is now burning with desire. She’s thirsty. Her last meal had been almost a month ago. It was a sweet innocent infant who was left abandoned in front of the Catholic Church. She didn’t dare doubt drinking that child’s sweet blood for she was drowned with hunger.

One month had been too long that she decided to hunt that night. The ecstasy she and Alanis had shared with a while ago isn’t enough to satisfy her thirst. Now she found a victim.

She opened her wet lips and start humming.

The merchant was startled.  He abruptly stops walking and he slowly turned to look at the girl.

Shalana smiled but continue to hum again and again as if chanting, casting a spell. He is hypnotizing the old man.

Mesmerized, the merchant looked straight in her eyes. He could see her red crimson eyes sparkling darkly under the moonlight.

DOWN the third corner of the street, Rebecca is still wide awake. More than the longing for Alanis, something else is bothering her.  She could hear a girl humming an odd tune. It was the same tune she heard the night before the town’s folks found a lifeless infant in front of the Catholic Church. Te child was pale looking…drained of blood.

The oldies speculated that a blood-sucking-creature had attack the poor child. Others speculated that it was done by a cult currently lurking the city. Some even suggested that it was done by someone secretly living in the old castle deep in the forest.

Two days after that incident she met Alanis. A guy she knows isn’t normal, not a human-----not one of her kind. But she chose to stay quiet, hiding this knowledge from the town’s people out of fear. Yes, she is afraid. She doesn’t want to reveal the identity of her love, Alanis.

Tonight, though she fears of another person losing its life she wouldn’t interfere. She would keep the secret of what that odd tune is for.  She wouldn’t say a single word about a vampire feasting on a human’s blood that night.

"Lahat ng bilihin nagmamahalan na...tayong dalawa nalang ang hindi..."

My Immortal: Rebbeca Stuart

My Immortal: Pleasure
My Immortal: Profile

Rebecca sighed. Alanis face keeps on appearing in her head. He had penetrated even her dreams that she’d been insomniac the fast few days.

The other week, she’d been so determined on finding out what was the hidden mystery beneath the abandon castle standing in depth of the forest that the town’s old folks were so afraid of. When she found her way in front of the castle, she’d been out of breath. How could the oldies be afraid of such a beautiful sight? It doesn’t seem old much as the others talked about. To her dismay the door inside the castle were locked. 

She was about to leave when she caught glimpse of a man standing in the lawn dressed in an awkward yet elegant gothic clothes. She heaves a sigh. Hypnotized at those crimson red eyes he possessed. In a split second she found him standing in front of her.

“Indeed this would be the most beautiful twilight I would experience my entire existence with your loveliness in front of me.” The stranger said in a soothing dark velvet voice.

Though darkness is closely impending, Rebecca can clearly study the features of the young man. His skin is pale and glistening. His crimson red eyes looks like his been deprived of sleep for what seems like eternity. His red lips are curved in a sensual smile, the way a teasing lover would do in bed.  She blushed at that thought.

Fear was out of the question, her heart has gone numb beating wildly, faster than the normal heartbeat of a human. She’s so mesmerize she didn’t even care who this man is.

That night had been the most memorable night for Rebecca. For the fast few days, for some reason she feels agitated. She long for Alanis presence…

"Lahat ng bilihin nagmamahalan na...tayong dalawa nalang ang hindi..."

A butterfly: beauty within

Check out the MV of G-dragon's Butterfly. Oh la la it had reached 1million views already. G-dragon fighting!!



Here's the lyrics with romanization and English translation:

G-dragon - Butterfly Lyrics with English translations

ROMANIZATION

It About you a Butter fly
Every time I come close to you (Every time I’m feeling you)
Feel like I’m gonna Dream every time (I get butterfly)

musimko haneureul bwa Like
ne utneun moseubeul darma
yunanhi nunbusingeol Baby
nae harusok neorangman
romaentik han drama
nal ulgo utge hajyo no no no

jamdeulji motaneunde
ne ireumeul bulleoboneunde
nan sujubeundeut gogaereul dolligo
ireoke johahaneunde
jomcheoreom georeummal ttelsuga eobseo

Every time I come close to you (Every time I’m kissing you)
Feel like I’m gonna Dream every time (I get butterfly)
beautiful girl-

musimko ttangeul bwa like
neoui ireum segeulja
neomuna seolleneungeol Baby
naega amulge haejulge
naui sarang geudae-yo

Yo neon machi nabicheoreom
kkocheul chaja naradanineun jeo aicheoreom
sunsuhan nunmangureul meogeumgo
haneulhaneul georineun momjit
areunareunhan ni nunbit
na eotteoke dwaennabwa

Every time I come close to you (Every time I’m loving you)
Feel like I’m gonna Dream every time (I get butterfly)

naega yaksokhalge yaksokhange
eogeutnadeora soktage
just to now the game
da ttokgatae

mwo ireoke bokjaphae
neon namjareul motmitneunde
sarangdo yeongwonhal su inneunde
milgo danggineungeon waehaneunde
jom deo soljik hage gul sun eomneunde
nae nuneul bwa
You See my eyes
You See my lips
Listen to my heart
deullindamyeon nae mare daphaejwo
nae bore kiss my heart
natural heart
Ye that be all I say
neowa nae seolleimman gadeuk hadamyeoneun
urin never ever my breaker
trust me I make love to you

Every time I come close to you (Every time I’m feeling you)
Fell like I gonna Dream every time (I get butterfly)

Ye yo special to me

your turn

la la la la la la la
Ye Butterfly

credits: greenglacious @ blogspot


TRANSLATIONS

It's all about you, my Butterfly
Every time I come close to you
(every time I'm kissing you)
Feel like I'm gonna dream every time
( I get butterly)

Unintentionally, I look the sky like
It looks similar to when you smile
Specifically your dazzling [smile] baby
My day consists of our romantic drama
Make me cry and smile no no no

I can't sleep, I call your name
I turn my head shyly (no matter what)
I like it this much
I rarely stop walking

Every time I come close to you
(every time I'm kissing you)
Feel like I'm gonna dream every time
( I get butterly)

Beautiful girl

Unintentionally, I look at the ground like
I flutter so much at your 3 lettered name baby
I'll heal your one small wounds
My love is you

Like a butterfly
You look for a flower, flutter around like a child
Your innocent eyes have a smile
Your body moves like the sky, the sky
Your eyes glimmer, glimmer
I've become like this
(You're the only one girl)

Every time I come close to you
(every time I'm kissing you)
Feel like I'm gonna dream every time
( I get butterly)

I'll promise the things I promise
We missed each other, and it makes me worry
Just to know the game it's all the same
What, it's this confusing
Though you can't trust guys
Love can be forever
Why do you push and pull
Can't act any more honest

Look at my eyes
You see my eyes
You see my lips
Listen to my heart
If you're listening answer me
Kiss me on the cheek
My memories
Yes my heart
Yes that be all I say
If our lovingness continues a lot
Then we'll never break up, trust me
I'll make love to you

Every time I come close to you
(every time I'm kissing you)
Feel like I'm gonna dream every time
( I get butterly)

Ye you're special to me
Your turn
La la la la la la la
Yeah my butterfly
I can't help but admire the graphics. The concept is so amazing! Don't you agree?!

Credits to: YGEntertainment @youtube
                 Suichi @blogger
"Lahat ng bilihin nagmamahalan na...tayong dalawa nalang ang hindi..."