For the seventh time I sighed. I consciously look at my phone hoping that it will beep. I haven't slept properly for the past few days. Dark circles are around my eyes that can't deny the fact of depression I am feeling right now.
I can't let this case rest until solve but I don't have the courage to dial the number --- why...what...how...there's so many questions I needed to ask, yet I am afraid.
Fear engulf my heart like a hungry Lion growling wildly. I am hopeless, I know.
I heard my weak voice shrieked as light flooded across the room.
He is standing in front of the door. I can reflect pain in his eyes as he closely studied my hopeless condition.
He moaned, " What are you doing with yourself?"
" W-why do you care?"
" Because I---why---y-you look awful." I didn't realize I am crying 'till I felt the hot tears welling down my cheeks.
He step forward but abruptly stand back in front of the door. He looked away at me, maybe not wanting to see my tears.
" Why are you here?"
" I just wanted to say goodbye" He said still not looking at me
I whimper in silence. I couldn't stand this. It's killing me.
" But why? Why you have to say goodbye?"
" You don't have to know. I just wanted to see you for the last time before it's all over."
" It hasn't have to end" I argued stubbornly
I looked at his face and saw the tears I didn't expected from him. In a split second I'm at his side wiping the tears I didn't know what is for.
" I love you...but I have to say goodbye" and for the last time he kissed me passionately.
I cried. What's the point? Saying I love you yet saying goodbye. Those line left a hole in my heart that is irreparable.
That was three months ago. That scene that keep on hunting my endless dreams. Now---now I am looking at his cold face. He is still beautiful despite all the pain he had suffered from his disease. I don't know. Being near him is still pointless no matter how near I am to him right now.
I can hear the endless cries around me as the soil slowly covers the casket wherein his body lies. But despite of all those noise I felt all alone. Empty.
He left me and that would be forever.
I sighed. I couldn't utter any parting words but the same words he said to me three months ago...
' I Love you...goodbye!'